Dear Soccer

From the smell of the grass, to lacing up your cleats and having a regimen of the order of your shin pads, socks, to what side of the jersey you tuck into your shorts.

Soccer, at first you started off as the place I continued to play sports. Growing up in a big family with many older boy cousins, naturally the thing you all bonded over was sports. You liked being able to compete with them and come out of nowhere with an impressive shot, move or hit.

It was always about how do you out perform yourself and play better. Those reps during street pick-up games and neighbourhood practices showed up on the field against bigger kids. I can still hear the crowd noises when you have a breakaway in soccer. Suddenly, it became addicting. Getting better, playing more, more touches with the ball. You started to have a soccer ball by your feet when you were doing homework.

Soccer, you taught me discipline. Times when I didn’t feel like playing, you reminded me another kid out there who wants the dream as much as I did is putting in the hours. During games you’re losing and the team starts to lose hope, your energy, self-talk and motivation changes. You almost want to throw in the towel. That’s not true sportsmanship and those are the moments you MUST dig deeper. Over your career, you were trusted to take game winning shots. Sometimes you land them, sometimes you didn’t.

Your life as a soccer player starts to revolve around being better. Eating better, sleeping and getting enough sleep. Your body will change, you will study the game. You became obsessed with the game and studying the mind of the greats. It was all worth it in the end. I reached my goal to play at the collegiate level… only for it to crash months later. After a move I’ve done hundreds of times, I tore my ACL and meniscus. The heartbreak sunk in almost immediately. That majority of your life was spent chasing this dream and it was taken away moments after you accomplished the goal. What was this supposed to teach me? After all, I was only 17.

Suddenly, my compass was gone. What once was the sole goal of everything I did, consume, dream and manifest was no longer there. I had to learn how to build a life away from the game and create newer goals. But what I didn’t realize until I got older was I wasn’t playing an entirely different game. The same skills were applying just in a different way.

Do I wish I got to play longer and live my dream out? Sure. But it was always a vehicle of passion. To eventually add fuel to do better at other aspects of my life. I know this now. My mindset and resilience as an athlete got me to and through business school, law school, a rigorous recruit and working a big law job.

My ability to dream and shoot for the Olympics and collegiate level dreams showed me what hard work can amount to. I learned to dream at a young age and that if you give it your all something crazy can happen. But now in the real world, there’s no set path to the Olympics. I craved more impact, that led to a career pivot. What started as a genuine hunger to learn about something, has now become my day to day. Soccer, you were my first love and my first heartbreak. You taught me the skills to move through the real world, friendships, teamwork and love. You also taught me how to tap into what wires and fuels my brain.

Thank you soccer for that feeling of chasing a breakaway moment. When you’re running for the ball and there are a few moments when it’s just you, the ball and the goalie. You can hear the noise from behind you of the other team yelling trying to get a block. The coaches and parents yelling, but you remember to tune it out. Keep your breathing calm and focus on the move you’ve done hundreds of times and just be there in the moment. I love you, soccer. With love, #6.

Now as an adult, having reignited my spark for sports and athletics, it has retaught me that growth and progress is not linear. There are days you feel crappy and there are others you feel like you are a gifted athlete. Ride the highs and feel the lows is normal as an athlete. But ultimately, like all our coaches said, you will learn more from the lows and going through change. Something I’m relearning playing tennis, volleyball and training for a 10K run.

I have no idea what my new Olympic dream is. To be quite honest, I’m scared I’m not dreaming enough. I work as a technology/corporate lawyer which is awesome. I came out of a burnout phase and I’ve been spending more time with friends and family.

When I was an athlete, I didn’t touch things that were bad for my body because I knew I didn’t want to harm my progress and game on the field. Especially given all the mindset work I was doing. When that dream was over, I succumbed to social pressure I drank to “fit in”. I never liked it nor enjoyed it. Taking that out and adding sports back into my life has me feeling like I’m floating again.

On top of all this, learning a new industry and dabbling in building and entrepreneurship in different avenues has been my new breakaway feeling. The rides to soccer practice with my dad are now us talking about how he navigated entrepreneurship.

The only part of this “Olympic dream” is I have no idea what the drills are. Comfort is never associated with dreams but the best part is the 1% do things that aren’t ordinary, and what if your path and journey is a bunch of encounters that are your drills to land you into a passion project. That all those moments that feel like lows and uncertainty are actually your drills and you have no idea. Its a reminder to enjoy the journey because you will look back when you reach the destination and think I wish I enjoyed that journey more.

xoxo,

AJ